


The Gun Show

by Scourgefan12



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27554371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scourgefan12/pseuds/Scourgefan12
Summary: For the first time in his life, Jan meets someone who isn't immediately enraged by his presence.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	The Gun Show

Jan really didn't consider anyone in Millennium a friend. Well, except maybe Luke, but that was his brother so it didn't count. Of course he'd be friends with his bro.

Aside from that? Nobody. And that's how it should be as far as he was concerned. Like, even if he were the type to cozy up to complete strangers like some sort of dipshit without self preservation skills, why should he care about any of these assholes?

Because they were coworkers, maybe. Or perhaps because they were going to be living together from now on. Those were certainly things that might prompt someone to want to start at least some sort of acquaintanceship, make sure you were actually getting along and such.

Jan didn't care about any of that, though. He cared about doing his job, about getting shit done when it needed to get done.

Usually. Admittedly, sometimes he didn't care as much as he probably should've, but he cared enough to at least do the bare minimum. He might not have given a shit about Millennium's actual goals or whatever, but he did care about getting paid and keeping a roof over his head.

But anyway, the point here is that he didn't need to get along with the others to make this happen. In fact, worrying about whether the others liked him would just get in the way of getting things done. 

To be fair, antagonizing the others and making them hate him also got in the way, but that didn't matter cause it was fun, so it balanced out. He'd much rather waste his time on something he actually enjoyed rather than the torturous ordeal that was sucking up to others and trying to get them to like him.

If he shared this sentiment, Luke would probably tell him that he'd be better off just not wasting time at all. And Jan would disregard this advice because it was fucking stupid. That wasn't how he rolled, he wasn't wired that way. Unlike some people, he couldn't be expected to be an absolute fucking machine. He couldn't just focus and be efficient all the time.

But, whatever. As it was, most of Millennium hated his ass and he kind of hated some of them too, but mostly he just didn't care. He couldn't be bothered with them, outside of the occasional pestering of course. Hell, he didn't even put in the effort of remembering their names half the time.

Major was 'the fat one' when Jan was talking about him to others, but to his face Jan called him 'boss' because even he wasn't stupid enough to insult the leader of the organization straight to his face.

Doc was a name he remembered because it was exceptionally simple, but Jan would call him a sadistic bitch or a slut anyway cause it pissed him off.

Dandy Man was kind enough to provide a nickname upon introduction, which was really nice of him since there was no way in hell Jan was ever gonna bother trying to remember his real name. Jan tried to think of additional nicknames anyway, just for fun. Handy Man was a little on the nose, but he liked to use it from time to time. Old Bitch and Gramps were also good ones, since he'd learned Dandy Man was apparently in his fucking seventies. He didn't look like it cause of the whole vampire thing, but Jesus Christ.

Zorin was Bitch Number One, and Rip was Bitch Number Two. He also called them other things. Like Blimp Tits and Carpet Muncher for Zorin, No Tits and Crazy Whore for Rip. He usually stuck with the first ones though, for consistency's sake.

Zorin fucking _hated_ this. Sometimes he was pretty sure she was going to actually try to kill him.

He didn't know how Rip felt on the matter, because he'd never actually spoken to her. He'd talked about her, but never said anything to her face. Which was a shame, since she was basically the only one in Millennium he hadn't had an actual conversation with yet. I mean, if you could call slinging insults at someone and trying to get them to hate you a conversation.

He had to wonder why they'd never spoken. Maybe she'd heard the others talking about him and decided to avoid him? He must've had a reputation by now.

Or maybe it was something as simple as schedule conflicts. She didn't actually have anything against him yet, but she actually did her damn job and in between that and time for herself, she just happened to not have enough time to dick around with meeting new people.

The reason didn't matter too much to Jan, nor did the situation itself. Why should he give a shit if there was one person left who he hadn't harassed yet? He'd get to it eventually, no need to rush things. There were plenty of people to mess with while he waited.

As it turned out, he wouldn't actually have to wait that long.

He decided he was going to spend some time in Millennium's shooting range. He'd just got himself some P90s and modified the shit out of them, and he was eager to see how well they worked.

He knew that they were completely unusable for a human, but that was a neat thing about being a vampire. He could use guns that would knock humans on their ass and break their wrists even if they used both hands and were as careful as possible, and he could dual wield that shit. One in each hand, baby. God, he loved having vampire strength.

When he reached the shooting range, he was faced with a small problem. That being the fact that someone was already there.

This wasn't usually something he cared about. The place was big enough for plenty of people to comfortably fit in at once without any risk of getting in each others way. The only reason he cared now was because the someone who was here before him happened to be the same someone who he hadn't had the chance to speak to yet. None other than Rip van Winkle.

Well, to be fair Jan wasn't super focused on her. He was mostly focused on the weapon she was carrying with her. So focused that he promptly forgot what he'd come for and approached her to get a closer look.

"Holy shit." He breathed, looking it up and down. "Is that a musket? Like a real fuckin' musket?"

Before he spoke, she hadn't actually been firing at anything yet, she'd just been humming to herself and wiping down her gun a bit. She startled a little, apparently having not noticed him entering. 

Jan almost felt bad for interrupting her, but was way too interested to really give a shit.

Thankfully, she didn't seem too bothered by it. She glanced over at him and answered with little trouble. "Ja, that's right." She moved it out of the way without comment when he reached out to try and touch it. "I've had this baby since the second world war."

" _Damn_." Jan let out a whistle, shamelessly ogling at it again. She must've been taking really good care of it, cause it honestly looked like it could've been brand new.

She gave him a curious look before speaking again. "You're one of the new guys, right? The brothers?"

So she had heard of him, that was pretty neat. Except it wasn't cause it was fucking obvious, it'd be weird if she hadn't caught wind of his existence by now. Still, he reacted with pride. "That's right, I'm Jan Valentine, the younger and cooler Valentine brother."

She gave a friendly, and sort of creepy smile in return. "Rip van Winkle, pleased to meet you."

For a moment he glanced down at her mouth, because _holy fuck_ her teeth looked like they were sharper than his. But, haha, his fangs were also bigger than hers, so who was the real winner here?

He disregarded that line of thought because it was stupid and pointless, he wasn't here to get into the vampire equivalent of a dick measuring contest. Yet, maybe another time.

For now his sights were still set on that gun of hers. It was seriously impressive. A real ass antique musket that looked like it was basically freshly made. And on top of that, it looked fucking expensive. Fancy. Only Millennium or a pompous rich asshole would be able to afford something like it. He really wanted the chance to fire it, but he didn't trust himself. If he put his grimy little hands on it, he'd probably break it somehow.

If she found his staring rude, she didn't say anything. She gave a little smirk, lifting her gun so he had a better view of it. "Want to see it in action?"

If Jan were to give a verbal response, it would be a very loud _fuck yes_. Apparently he was rendered speechless though, because the only thing he could do was give a frantic nod. He felt like a child who was getting ready to watch a magic trick. He was absolutely buzzing with excitement.

That was a good enough answer for her. She went through the process of loading it, dropping in one bullet. And then she took aim.

Okay, no she didn't actually. She pointed the thing straight up and pulled the trigger.

What in the shit stained fuck was this bitch on? He wanted to scream at her, grab her by the shoulders and shake her or something. He didn't do anything though, because he was just absolutely stunned. 

This had to be a joke, right? She had to be joking. And in any other instance he might find it funny, except she'd lied to his fucking face. She'd raised his hopes up and then crushed them in the dumbest way possible.

And now there was gonna be a hole in the roof, which he was pretty sure she could get punished for. Like, seriously, the higher ups here really didn't appreciate property damage, which was something he'd figured out the hard way.

She'd been here longer than him though, longer than he'd even been alive, so clearly she must've known that. Did she just not care? Was she not worried about having the Major up her ass about this? If so, why? That seemed like something you should give a shit about, if only because if you screw up too many times then they could actually fucking _kill you_. If she seriously didn't care about that, then either she had some sort of special privileges or she was somehow a bigger dumbass than him.

He was distracted from his mental tirade by the sound of... something. Something he couldn't pinpoint at first, he just knew it was fucking annoying.

After a bit of listening, he recognized the sound of an object buzzing through the air at super high speeds.

He looked around, confused, and didn't see anything until it happened. The bullet, the one that was _supposed_ to be imbedded in the ceiling, tore straight through one of the practice dummies that had been set up in the room.

And then it just... _kept fucking going_. Erratically whizzing through the air like it was some sort of remote controlled plane and not a literal bullet.

After wrecking two more of the dummies, it apparently decided it was done, and stopped while it was buried deep in one of them.

Jan just stared for a while, mouth hanging open like he was some sort of brainless zombie. Cause really, what else was he supposed to do? What was the proper reaction to that?

Once he snapped out of his shock, he actually _did_ grab her by the shoulders and shake her. In between fits of giggles, he practically screamed in her face about how fucking cool that was. That was seriously the coolest fucking thing he'd seen in his life, did she understand how awesome it was? _Did she?_

Once again, if she was annoyed by his behavior then she did a damn good job at hiding it. She laughed with him, stating that _yes_ she knew. She'd been honing this power for years, _of course_ she knew.

Eventually he got enough of a grip over himself to take his hands off her and step a respectful distance away. Well, respectful by his standards. He was still standing pretty damn close. Then he asked how the fuck what she did was possible.

Logically, he knew the answer. Doc had fucked around with her and given her some extra powers on top of making her a vampire. He just did that sometimes.

Either that or she was just born psychic, which in theory was completely fucking stupid. But, if vampires and werewolves and shit were real, why not natural born psychics too? It sort of made sense.

It was a good thing he already knew the answer, because she didn't give him a direct one. Instead she was real coy, only explaining that she was the Huntress, and that her bullets punished all without distinction.

Obviously, that made no sense. But Jan rolled with it, he had no reason not to. He didn't ask for any further clarification, just asking if he could see her fire that thing off a few more times.

When she looked like she was considering saying no, he grabbed her by the collar and gave her the puppydog eyes, even said please. On top of that, he made sure to be real careful and not cop a feel of her tits, or even brush against them, even though his hands were around the perfect area to do so.

"Well... alright, fine." She relented. "But only one or two more times, okay?"

He nodded, letting go of her and stepping back enough that she could comfortably reload her gun.

At the end of the day, she ended up firing it off more than "just one or two more times". 

Every time she took a shot, Jan would do his best to keep his eye on the bullet. Jerking his head every which way, and even spinning his body around when it left his line of sight. He would cheer extremely loudly whenever it hit something, sometimes going as far as jumping and clapping. Needless to say, he was completely enamored.

Eventually, his enthusiasm rubbed off on her and she ended up getting into it too. She didn't cheer or anything, that would be stupid, but she looked very pleased with his reactions, chuckling with amusement at him. Each time he begged 'just one more, come on' she found that she couldn't resist. She would shoot one more time, and then another, until she ended up losing track of time.

They spent much of the night like this, only stopping when they were completely out of targets. That being when the ones they had access to were too torn to shreds to function anymore. (Jan offered to let himself be a target, but she refused. That was undoubtedly a bad idea.)

After that, they parted ways, agreeing that they should do this again sometime.

As Jan was making his way back to his room, he realized that he hadn't actually gotten the chance to try out his new guns. He also realized he didn't really care, what he'd actually ended up doing was way better. Besides, he'd have plenty of time for that later.

He also really hoped that he'd be able to spend more time with Rip later. Hoped that she hadn't just been being nice when she said that they'd meet up again. He was _so_ fucking excited for that, he could hardly wait.

**Author's Note:**

> I think... Jan and Rip would get along fairly well. Rip seems like she'd be able to handle/tolerate him better than most people  
> This is my first time actually writing Rip but I hope I did her justice


End file.
